red

lol, wonder if mr. lee's gonna read this. haha, did something totally crazy today -- i highlighted my hair. red highlights. counted. prolly about nine streaks or smth... very faint in normal room lighting. hope i don't get caught during morning assmebly or smth... prolly shouldn't even be talking about it here... sweatz. but it's like really faint (unless under bright light), and really little... haha. this is called the guilt trip. zuo4 zei2 xin1 xu1. haha.

yesterday, i found out most unfortunately that the nationals for canoe polo were say, two weeks away. and there were a grand total of four slots before the nationals. and that there was no mixed category. and that coaching fees were $60 PER SESSION. er hem. yeah. that makes our canoe polo course kind of impossible. haiz.

well, there's always the SRRR (singapore river raft race) next february. heard that canoe polo's gonna be one of the main events. will ty to push for that. gives us time to train properly. haha. but it's still quite a pity that canoe polo's pushed off again. i mean, it's not just quite a pity. haiz. was looking forward to it so much.

hm... this sat is homecoming. then after that immediately have to head down to pa for ensemble pract. how fun is that. then sunday got to head down to nanyang ke shu for pract and measurement taking. am guest performing for the performance on the 31st Oct. yay. they are playing the flying apsaras (is that how it's spelled?). lol. the name's funny. everytime i read it on the synopsis, i'll read "flying asparagus". haha, used to think why such a grand piece got such a lousy name. flying asparagus indeed... lol.

hm... got spa tml... but ran through the info with JD on the phone just now le, then waking up earlier tml to revise a bit more. pw's killing me. i saw the teacher's comments and almost just keeled over and died. there's so much more to do... type out the minutes, reorganise the file, fake some stuff that we forgot for old old minutes, conduct and consolidate interview and survey responses, find more secondary sources, colour code the present sources, re-do the evaluations. and hopefully all done and submitted to the teacher by next thrusday together with the first draft of our written report. good grief, how are we supposed to finish all of these?

plus all the overdue work (that's my problem). and econs remedial (gosh i can hate her so much sometimes).

how am i going to ever finish what i have to do? monday is already dedicated to work. i wonder how many days off the five-day-long weekend next week will i have to take to do my work.

sianz.

 

 

 

20 more days to my birthday.
21 more days to yanlinags arrival.
29 more days to my grade 8 practical exam.

"the booty lies in store me mate, sail seek and plunder." 

loser
am tired, so will try to keep this short and sweet...

updates on my results. lousy, as usual, but due to moderation, i've managed to pass physics and econs. feel very lousy though, the very fact that i actually need like MODERATION to pass... looks better on the result slip, but it's not going to make a difference for my promos. mrs g tan asked me to go for weekly appointments with a bunch of people for econs remedial. wa kao, feel like a loser. haiz, and econs is the subject i did best for the block tests alone. very very sianified... well, more than half the class had to go for remedial anyway la. shit, this class is reminding me so painfully of 03'401. what can i say? it reminds me of 103 too. honestly. i mean, just look at the way it's so erm... segregated.

i kinda like the words congregate and segregate. they look so aesthetically pleasing.

and kind of like mrs g tan didn't mention a single thing about econs tutorial. it's not my shit if i didn't do what i wasn't told to do. and she did mention not to touch the damned tutorial. make people's life difficult. yeah yeah, some people still did it, so i should've done it as well. if i knew to. but it's all excuses la. i'm not that bitter, but i just feel so... unjustified. i try to justify and it all comes out wrong. maybe i shouldn't try. coz i realise that justification usually does no good. sometimes, i guess i should just step back and just take it. she has her opinion i have mine. i'll take hers and respect authority.

that's it, authority. i never thought i had a problem with authority. not when it's my authority anyway. actually, maybe i do... abuse problem, haha.

dunno why, feel very shagged now. must be all the blood rush to my digestive system to digest the humongous meal i just had... haha. that was a good meal, man. but it was damn ex. got a shock when i realised that the meal for two had actually amounted up to $50.40. here's the break down.

fish head curry (small) -- $18
curry squid (small) -- $9
masala chicken (1 piece) -- $4
mixed veggie (small) -- $3
chicken dum briyani (1 serving) -- $8
white rice (1 serving) -- $1.50
lime juice (3 glasses) -- $7.50

GST (5%) -- $2.40
total -- $50.40

wow. thank goodness i was prepared man. but i guess it's a once in a long long while kind of thing. and well, i think the food me and shieh yuan ate were enough for four people la, so... haiz. haha, but it was a unique experience. happy early birthday, shieh yuan. that was what the whole business was about. haha. was so full after the meal i thought i looked like a pregnant lady, and she thought she looked like a pregnant lady, and we were only short of suffering from serious indigestion the way we had to control even our laughing. haha. quite funny how i didn't even feel that full until towards the end of the meal, even though i ate like twice of what i usually eat halfway through the meal. haha. the food was so good. just so good. the fish head curry rocks and the curry squids rock. and even the mixed veggie rocked. it's a nice place to dine. only, if you ever want to go there, please do bring more than just A friend with you, since the food proportions are huge and the price is dazzling.

oh. the place is muthu's curry, at little india. anyone interested?

bought her this handphone strap that she wanted. i mean bought us these handphone straps that we had intended to buy together. haha, synchronise our handphone straps. very sweet, coz got this shoe that hangs from it... then can be removed and worn as a pendant. haha. very very sweet. mine's pink and hers blue. so girlish, but so cute. i didn't like the salesgirl's attitude though. attitude problem man. do things a bit the xin1 bu4 gan1, qing2 bu4 yuan4... when you're in the service line, it's all you got to do to satisfy your customer.

for once in a long time (two years i think) i actually got shieh yuan's prezzie before her birthday. lol. glad she liked it. you did right??? lol.

hmm... what else. oh. my piano exam countdown is wrong. it's one day too slow. damn.

oh yeah. concise. am very tired le... can't think of what else there is to write about, even if there is something else i feel like i've missed out... hmm...

 

 

 

22 more days to my brithday.
23 more days to yanliang's arrival.
31 more days to my grade 8 practical exam.

"it's not solidarity i enjoy. it's the company of the bacteria in the air that i like."

learn and try

swimming always leave me lethargic and sleepy. it's just my luck that i have to have the two most boring lectures on monday: econs and physics. hm. but swimming's fun. really fun. today, the water was too cold for my liking though. swam with the 'intermediate' class today. only got eight people from S68. haiz. five girls and three boys. so we just swam, floated, slacked around. did some relay... then i realised that i can't do the front crawl to save my life. haiz. then mrs goh, don't know what happen to her today man, refused to allow me to go back to the beginner class to properly learn my strokes. actually, i think i know where my problem is. i come up for breath on every single stroke. maybe i should just try not coming up for breath for a few strokes. hm.

swimming is fun. it gives you an excuse to feel sleepy. and it gives you a nice workout (if you try hard enough) minus the sticky and stinky-ness of it all.

hm... ate the fastest i did in the past few months. not bad la. i wish i could go back to the times when i was still a fast eater. haiz... maybe i should just try to keep silent when i eat. that would help, i think.

project work sucks. period. i'm getting so stressed about it, yet can't seem to do anything. we have hardly gotten our interviews down and our surveys are not photocpoied. and guess what, the first draft of our written report is due next week. awesome, right? i really really don't know what to do. the surveys i have to wait for amanda or zhihua, coz i can't print it out properly. the interviews, i guess i could have done something more about it, but my contacts never reply... how? how? maybe i can try harder. but i feel so defeated already.

it's not looking optimistic man, i hope we can somehow scrape through. so far, i don't know how, we've managed to get by. that's coz we were initially faster than the teacher's pace. this time the odds don't look good. and i'm telling ya, i'm usually the one who says, "can la can la, can make it one."

but then, it's odd how i've changed. i used to just say can make it, can make it. now i'm like getting all stressed out. why, i wonder. haiz. must be the mugger air around here getting to me. the worst thing is, the group people don't seem to care. maybe i'm overworking myself. maybe they think i'm overworking them. i dont' know. all i know is there's l;ike a huge problem here, and i don't have the means, energy and time to solve it.

try try and try again.

also, i think the image that i was somehow fitting in sort of just fell away. today, i observed and i saw. i used to think that maybe i could kind of belong, maybe i'd be with jieying's bunch or smth. or maybe i'd just hang out with meishi they all. but somehow, there's just something missing. i just can't seem to make it past that last barrier. seems like i'm just a floater... it makes me sound childish, but it's like, whenever something is done as a group, somehow i'm not in the numbers. immature, right? somehow, there are some things that are just exclusive of me. that makes me feel like i don't belong, i guess. maybe it's just an opinion i'll hold on to for a day or something, but while i feel like just expressing it, i will. and you know what? i think i don't really care anymore. sure, i try to belong, but if it has to be otherwise, i'll just pop up whenever you might care that i'm left out. it's a different kind of happiness i get when i hang out by myself sometimes.

but i guess this is just being stubborn again. let's just take things as they are, shall we?

and i think i must stop saying sorry all the time. i don't want it to really like become pointless. although everytime i apologise i mean it, but i think i do it more out of a phobia that i might have offended a person. maybe i should just think more about everything i say and do, so that i may make less mistakes. don't want to be like ritsu, whole day just go around apologising. gives people the idea that i'm not confident at all about what i do or say. and i'm more scared that my apologies might become... what you call that, worthless. yeah. sounds ultra lousy. hm... but what if i do accidentally unknowingly offend somebody? i do that too much for me to be at ease. well... try try and try again lor...

miss chua talked about blogging today. "you keep an online diary of course you hope that people will come and read right?" actually, i keep an online diary coz i need some place to unload my crap. some stuff i just have to get out of my system, and there can't be anyone who'd want to hear me crap everyday just about and what i did what i felt. and i. i. i. i. i. it's all about me, you see, can't... erm what does meishi call it? oh yeah, inflict myself on others. so i basically just let it out on a blog, and whoever wshes to read can read. of course i'd be glad to know someone's actually eng enough to drop by. which is what the guestbook is for. let me know you dropped by kay? hmm... someone mentioned the link ain't prominent enough... i'm more sed to putting it in small italics... hmm... let's see if there's any difference if i put it bigger, ne?

 

 

 

 
23 more days to my birthday.
24 more days to yanliang's arrival.
33 more days to my grade 8 practical exam.

guestbook HERE.

new guestbook

hey pplez. got a new guestbook as promised and as suggested  by joseph @ bravenet.com. thanks, dude. here's the link. be sure to leave comments hor.

speak thy words.

a different day

disclaimer: if there should be anyone who takes offense at any material in my entries in history or in the future, i apologize here and now, for all offense is unintended. please bear in mind that whatever is printed in this blog is the personal opinion of the blogger (ie. me) and you are not obliged to agree.

okay. the disclaimer sounds odd, but i thought i'd better play safe, since for this particular entry i might touch a sensitive nerve on religious issues... hmm...

today was a different day. very different. okay, now that sounds exaggerated, but i gues that's the only term i can describe it, apart from interesting. which makes the people involved sound like a freak show. but on with the blog.

attended joseph's church service today, coz they had a youth awareness week... something going on. never knew joseph's church = yiting's church, so by rights i went down to support joseph and yiting's performance. lol. the world is so so small. just to touch on some of the events, yiting and joseph both sang for the church choir -- they did some kind of rap, which was a praise song, so it was quite an eye-opener. joseph participated in the hip-hop dance item. he did it quite well, unexpectedly, lol. never thought he'd be the kind of person to rap and dance hip-hop.

got to know a lot of names today -- the youth there was very friendly, and made it astonishingly easy for me to blend in. i hope i didn't give them any trouble though, didn't know the ropes of worship, so i hope i didn't make a mockery out of it. it's a senstitive issue, worship, that it. coz sometimes there are just so many ceremonial details you have to take care of -- if you do it wrongly, or if people think you're not being sincere, it is easy to be misunderstood as making a mockery out of the worship. i was scared, i'd tell you. but again, the youth made it easy for me, as well as yiting's encouraging smile and joseph's help and serene's detailed explanation about everything.

the main point here. i  took part in the worship today (or i think i did, ceremonially). with the youth. they sang and they danced and they jumped around, all sorts of crazy things, quoting serene. and they were very happy. they looked so lifted. i was really touched by their love and faith for Him, as they sang their praises, spoke their prayers, even in their silence -- the air was saturated with this odd kind of atmosphere. it felt kind of awkward at first, when everyone was so involved in the worship and i didn't know what to do. when they had to raise their hands, open their palms to Him, even as part of the song's actions, i didn't know what to do, coz i didn't want to ruin it all by partaking in something that i didn't have the faith in... see, i didn't want to make a mockery of something that is so cherished by the rest around me. so i spent my time thinking. i mean, sure, i sang and jumped, but i thought, above all.

and i learnt something. the most unique thing i learnt today is how they always look on the better side of things. they don't think, "oh, something bad has happened to me." they think, "something worse could have happened, but it didn't." it's a very optimistic outlook on life, that may be unrealistic at times, but very often, even for non-Christians, it is this kind of optimism that keep people going. and it is very uplifting to see so many people congregated and sharing this joy and faith -- in doing so, they have confirmed once another's faith and brought for everyone around this optimism that is so crucial. i may not agree fully with the mentality that in everything we can give thanks to Him, but in my realisation, i find that it has confirmed what i believed all along.

my opinion: the very optimism that keeps people going is fueled by this faith that there is someone out there of a higher power watching over you, and this applies across the board, for all religions. this faith is something so powerful that it can make a pessimistic person optimistic, which in turn gives the person strength to go on, which in turn brings him to have more faith. this cycle becomes ceremonial, but nonetheless, people are being "saved". at my aunt's lowest, she sought faith in a religion, and it has allowed her to pull herself together.

sometimes, i think and i come to the conclusion that science is also a religion. people place faith in technology and hope that it can bring them to a better life.

*a point to make here: i know i'm totally missing the crux of Christian faith, but there's the element of other religions present in my opinion... yeah...*

hence i conclude that religion, to different people, mean a different thing. yet in all diversity, it is common in the aim for it's teachings.

it had been a very very different experience for me today. i am still rather put off by some Christians' aggressive campaign to convert you at your very doorstep, but i realise that there is so much more to religion. and maybe i won't really understand it all, since i'm a non-believer, but i hope that my (hopefully) objective outlook on religion will allow me to learn more about each religion and what it really is all about.

sounds like i have quite a superficial outlook on it all. hmm... but i think it'd be something interesting to know... since religion has always been such a controversial subject.

on a sidenote, i wonder what this has to do with the significance of Lucifer's brides in "Angel Sanctuary"... (regarding the Church being the Lord's Bride...)

oh... today i went down to church, pa and everywhere else dressed like a guy, with a bound chest and guy clothes and a cap pulled low. i tell you, even the people at pa couldbn't recognise me until i opened my mouth. the uncle on the bus wondered if i was in NS. even joseph and yiting thought i was a guy. lol. feel kind of triumphant to know that it pulled off.

 

 
24 more days to my birthday.
25 more days to yanliang's arrival.
34 more days to my grade 8 piano exam.

"i am a unique individual, just like everybody else."