haha, sorry for the vulgarities in the previous post... i was in a awful mood. flew into this rage sometime after the break, before computing started. nearly had a nervous breakdown in math lect after i typed the previous post in comp lect. dunno why, in such a bad mood, the moment i stepped into the canteen. maybe it's all the catching up, late nights and stuff... i mean, i only missed one math lect and suddenly i can't understand the teacher, though when i looked back at it, it should have been perfectly comprehensible to me... like, what the hell. haiz. stress. and i'm going to miss so many lessons sommore... gonna have so much fun catching up.

meishi, wee leong and filbert are all dropping computing for econs. i... have nothing to say about this. i mean, what can i say that will prolly even make the slightest difference? it's their choice, afterall. and i suddenly realise that computing and econs are really just words that appear in my life everyday. they don't mean a single thing. i mean, computing, i feel smth for it, lah, after taking it for one and a half months... but sometimes, i wonder what i'm doing in the comp lab. and else times, i look at the econs pple and wonder what the hell they are doing. life is usually just a blur of tutorials and lectures... i mean, the way my head is now, it prolly is like this, but i guess i'll feel differently in another mood.

they are successfully training me to become a loner. i don't know why, but recently, i find myself liking those quiet moments by myself more and more. i mean, i'd get crazy like i always do, but i really enjoy sitting by myself and just reading or stoning. it's a great way to relax. and a very effective way to get into depressive moods too... but nonetheless, still great. haha. and i still feel very detached... from 04S68 and 04S61, both. like, i just don't fit and it makes no difference to anyone if i do anyway. haha, odd things.

yesterday, went for the pre-admission tests for my hospitalisation next wed to friday. they took four tubes of my blood, god-dammit. but it wasn't as painful as i thought it would, though my arm was pretty sore after it. the flesh around it all swelled up slightly... hm... then wednesday was X-country. managed to squirm my way out of running. haha. don't think i'll be able to make it without risking a palpitation attack. then for two evenings, i went out and shopped for v-day's gifts. and finally, after some last minute deco last night, i rushed out enough to handle today. chong wu's tsu yang's and half the gumi's isn't finished... haiz. hm.. and some clever guy decided to help me distribute my chocs around. so i suddenly found myself at a lack of chocs, which means i'll have to top up my supply a little, tml. hm.

then had the first pre-camp session today. made us run around, thank goodness not much, then the pre-camp like ncc training like that. such formal roll-calls. but since it's Youth Leadership Training Camp, i guess they are trying to keep us more disciplined or smth. haha.

my team has like, three obelix members, that's wu hui, zi jian and me. wish there were more insane pple. like jian da or wei leong, or jang or huijie. hm. how about this. wish it were the entire obelix... the guys are atrocious. the pple i wish i wouldn't encounter are all in my team. kailong, shiwei and justin. and zi jian is just starting to show his lame side. and they are the disruptive kind of lame. can't ever get a proper discussion going. made me scold so many vulgarities in front of them. haha, but all out of fun lah. hm... i think i'll get used to it lah. i mean, i couldn't stand the s7 mugger's cucumber antics at first either. hm. either i live in agony or i live in joy. i'd choose the latter. hm.

the guys are damn scary. hm.

don't have much to say. wasn't in too great a mood, so today was quite sian.






"salaam." -- may you have peace.

FUCK!!!!!

tired. sick. confused. lost.

life rocks. and mine has just reached the peak. if i could, i'd have... argh. nevermind.

i mean. aw fuck it.



just fuck it all.